With five planets currently in retrograde, I am feeling the pull to halt my journey out into the world and retreat inwards.
The last few months have been wonderful, exciting, enjoyable and immensely full on. I have said yes over and over again. I have done things that terrified me and given freely of my energy. I have loved it. But now I am really seeing the shift. As I keep saying yes, I notice my body is whispering no in my ear.
While I type, I can see the image of the Hermit tarot card in my mind’s eye. The Hermit knows wisdom is to be found within, through a connection to the divine in each and every one of us.
I connect with this every day. I use it to write, to blog, to make decisions, even the little ones. But I have not been spending nearly enough time deeply in this place recently, and I can feel in my gut that there are answers waiting to be discovered.
There was a time when I was terrified to have time in my own mind. I remember it well. I was traumatised, frightened and downright miserable. Going inwards sent me spiraling down a path of fear and self-pity. It was not a good time, but I came out of it. How do you think I did that? That’s right, through introspection.
I know how that fear of going inwards feels. I lived it for several years, but it is not my natural state and I found help to take me back home. Because that’s what the inner world is, it’s home. That place takes us as close as we can come to our true selves, to the part of our being that is made of light and exists in a constant state of flow. In this third density world we can often feel hemmed in. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the constant demands on our time and our bodies. But when you go inwards, face the fear and move beyond it, that’s when you begin to enter a true state of flow.
The Light Circle had this to say:
“Fear is a barrier. It is not the stuff of your inner world, but instead is a barrier between you and the reality of your own truth. What you fear holds you back. It is what prevents you from entering the state of oneness and bliss. Only by probing that fear to find the lessons you came here to learn, can you banish the darkness and move further towards the light. This is the stuff of Ascension. This is what you are incarnated here to do at this time. If you are reading this, you have probably chosen a path of Ascension and spiritual growth in this life, no matter what form that may take. If so, you were not born to live in fear, but these fears will become more and more pronounced to you each time you are given the opportunity to face them. So that thing that terrifies you right now, this is a gift from the universe, a step-up being offered so you can clear the pattern and move on to the next level of your development.”
I have the zodiac sign Cancer on my twelfth house cusp in my birth chart, and my subconscious is a watery, porous place. When I go there I feel at one. I merge with other realities and my guides shower me with energy that calms and lifts me to a place of bliss. To me there are no more fears here. I have faced them and moved on. Don’t get me wrong, I still create monsters with my mind, but I know that this is not a truly inward place. Those monsters are my thoughts, they are made of pure fear and they belong in third density, not in that place of light and flow that I find in my inner core.
And here is the thing. If you have a fear of going inwards, there is no point in running. You don’t need to escape yourself, you need to face yourself. Because that fear is not who you are. It may come from your past, or it may come from a perceived future, or even a past or parallel life, but rather than being your inner self, that fear is standing between you and your understanding of the true, divine nature of your light.
Those fears are your patterns and blockages. They are the layers of your personality that have gathered over lifetime after lifetime in order to propel you into a higher level of existence. At this point in time, as the energies rise with each day, each week, each year, we are each faced with the need to choose, not once, but over and over again. Are we going to face our fears, release them and move closer to the light, or are we going to allow them to define us, to hold us in a state of status quo.
Whatever we decide is fine.
Now may not be your moment to face your fears. If you need to wait until you feel stronger, do it. And if you decide this process isn’t for you, that’s fine too. Because on a cosmic level there is no judgment and we all complete our journeys in the way we’re meant to, whether we do it in this life, the next, or ten incarnations down the line.
We all have an internal monitoring system telling us how fast or slow we should go, it’s called intuition.
If you’re not used to listening to it, it’s that voice that says yes or no, before you’ve had the chance to consider the question. Listen to your gut and you will know what is right for you. If you don’t, it may be that you need to remain in a state of flux for a while longer. Sometimes this limbo is where the learning takes place and we are not able to rush forwards to the answers we are impatient for.
There is no judgement, and there is no need to move any faster than feels right to us at each stage of our lives. But only by facing our fears and letting them go, can we really come nose to nose with the wonder. And I for one want to do that every day of my life.